Women and children: Why are we afraid to let them into our lives these days?
I get it.
The idea of having children is like a Pandora's box that can't be closed once you open it.
You love your career, the freedom, the Sunday mornings when you can wake up without someone demanding cereal at 6:00 a.m. sharp.
The thought of that balance being upset by children - sticky fingers, sleepless nights, tantrums in the supermarket - is terrifying to say the least. Moreover, it is 2024 and life has changed a lot since the days when our mothers and grandmothers had children.
Are we afraid to let children into our lives today? Maybe. But we should also talk about why. And laugh about it along the way...
Why are we hesitant to have children today?
Let's be realistic: raising children is expensive. The average cost of raising a child in the U.S. to age 18 is around $230,000. And that's not even counting college, braces, and random phases of hobbies where they'll need a full set of paintball equipment or ballet shoes (which they'll outgrow by next week). And given skyrocketing housing prices, the wage gap, and the instability of the current job market, it's a valid concern. Who wouldn't hesitate?
Another factor is time. We live in a world that forces us to do everything - build a career, travel, keep fit, have a social life, and much more. Add to that the expectation that our kids will fit in and we'll magically "balance" it all without breaking a sweat. Spoiler alert: no one manages to do that. Supermom? It's a myth. Even Beyoncé has a team.
Finally, we can't ignore the fact that today's women have a choice. Lots of them. Motherhood is no longer a social expectation, it's a choice - and it's okay not to choose it. Whether you're childless by choice or still hesitant, there's no wrong answer. But how do you decide if you want children at all?
Life without kids: Freedom, flexibility, and an extra slice of pizza...
Ah, life without kids! You can spend your weekends watching Netflix or spontaneously hop on a plane for a weekend trip. No screaming toddlers, no "Mommy, where's my sock?" crises. You can drink coffee while it's still hot, read entire books, and have conversations with adults that aren't interrupted by the word "butt." Sounds pretty appealing, doesn't it?
And what about financial freedom? Without having to budget diapers, pediatrician visits, and endless summer camps, you have more room for vacations, career pivots, and spontaneous purchases. Did I mention pizza? You can eat the last slice. Everyone. One. Every time.
Of course, there's also mental freedom. You're less likely to experience the feelings of guilt that moms face as they try to balance career, family, and taking care of themselves. You can focus fully on your own dreams and goals and redefine success on your own terms. You can live on your own schedule without factoring in school pickups or soccer practices.
Life with kids: Chaos, laughter, and sticky hugs
Kids are a whole different kind of adventure now. Yes, it's chaos, but it's also the kind of chaos that brings a lot of unexpected joy. There's nothing like the sound of your child's uncontrollable giggles or seeing the world through their fresh, curious eyes.
Having children means you'll never be bored. The conversations you will have will be overwhelming, entertaining, and often ridiculous. My friend's four-year-old asked: "Mommy, when cows moo, what sound do bananas make?" Honestly, it's worth a pause. It's also worth a laugh.
And while motherhood brings challenges, it also brings lots of love. Sticky, messy, real love. Kids won't care if your hair is a mess or if you failed a work presentation - they'll still want to snuggle up to you and tell you about their day. They bring meaning, even when it's hard. Sure, they'll drive you crazy (trust me, the "why" question is endless), but they'll also give you a new perspective on life.
Deciding: Do I really want kids?
This is where it gets tricky. How do you know if you want kids, or if you're okay with not having them? Here are a few things to consider:
1.Imagine your future self. Imagine yourself ten or twenty years from now. Do you see a future with a family? Or do you see yourself thriving independently, spending time traveling, pursuing your passions, and enjoying the flexibility that comes with being childless? Sometimes thinking about the future can give you a clue as to what's right.
2. Talk to your parents (and non-parents). Get real-life information from both sides. You'll get the full breadth of information - the highs, the lows, and the "Why did I think glitter slime was a good idea?" moments. Know that everyone's experience is different, and what works for one person may not work for you.
3. Try babysitting. Seriously. Whether it's your niece, nephew, or a friend's child, offer to spend the day with the kids. See how you feel. Do you leave exhausted but full of joy? Or do you run out for wine as soon as they leave? Maybe it will help you clarify your feelings.
4. Know that it's okay to change your mind. The beauty of life today is that we don't have to stick to one path. You may be on the fence about the kids now, but you'll feel differently later. Or maybe you'll decide that kids aren't for you, and you'll never look back. Either way is the right decision, and no one but you can determine what happiness looks like.
5. Laugh at the chaos. Parenting is unpredictable. Whether you're insecure, excited, or not interested, remember to find the humor in it all. Kids are a lot, but sometimes they are a walking comedy show.
Your life, your choice
In the end, whether or not you want kids is a deeply personal decision. There is no "right" or "wrong" way. Life with or without children can be fulfilling in different ways. The key is to understand what you want, not what society tells you you should want.
And remember...
Whether you're chasing toddlers or chasing your dreams, you've got this. Life is a wild ride either way. So buckle up and enjoy - whether it's with the kids in the backseat, or an empty, quiet car heading to the beach for a solo getaway.
So the next time someone asks you, "When are you having kids?" just smile and say, "I'm going on my own schedule." And then just smile. Because that's what it is.
And whatever you decide, it will be the right choice for you.
Do you belong to the group of moms? Or are you still deciding whether to choose a solo career or a large family?
Let me know your thoughts...
