The power of authenticity: Who are you when no one is looking?
As women, we often learn to wear different masks - whether in the workplace, in society, or even at home. You are the "professional", the "good friend", and the "perfect partner". Sometimes we can feel like we're playing poker, holding our cards close to our chests, and being careful not to give too much away. But when no one is looking, who are you? And what would it be like to let this version of yourself shine - without pretension - in every corner of your life?
I used to think I had it all figured out. I was "straight" - you know, the kind of person who keeps a cool head, says all the right things, and never lets anyone see him sweat. But the truth? I'm someone who, when no one's looking, dances around the kitchen with a kettle in my hand, sings off-beat to songs by the famous singer Adele, and sometimes, just sometimes, has ice cream or chocolate for dinner (who's counting?). But more importantly, I am a woman with big dreams, fears, and an endless desire to live an authentic life that is not dictated by external expectations.
The trap of perfection and pretense
There was a time in my career when I thought being "professional" meant showing no emotion at work. I kept my thoughts to myself, smiled politely in meetings, and never raised my voice. I thought that if I wanted to be taken seriously, I had to blend in. But one day I realized something: I was exhausted. Playing this game with a poker face not only exhausted me but also hid the qualities that made me valuable. My creativity, my passion, my zeal - all of these things I was stifling because I was afraid of being too big or too real.
The turning point came when I was asked to lead a team meeting. I prepared for days, rehearsing every sentence out loud, every slide, making sure I wouldn't slip up. But halfway through, technical difficulties with the computer happened and my perfectly prepared presentation was useless. I panicked. The old me would smile and pretend everything was fine while internally churning in a sea of anxiety. But instead, I took a deep breath and said to myself, "Now this is embarrassing! Looks like I need to work hard on my technical skills." The room erupted in laughter and I was suddenly free. Free to be myself, with all my mistakes.
That moment taught me something powerful: authenticity is disarming. When you stop pretending, people like you. They see themselves in your imperfections and quirks. And that's priceless in business. Clients don't want to work with robots, they want to work with people.
Show up as you are - in business and life
Being honest about who you are can open doors in your professional and personal life that you never thought possible. Whether you're in a job interview, sitting in a boardroom or having coffee with a friend, the power lies in being yourself.
Tip #1: Embrace your quirks. One of my friends is a prominent executive at a technology company and she has a loud laugh. The kind you can hear from the next building. For years she tried to suppress it because she thought it made her look unprofessional. But once she accepted it, people started gravitating towards her. Her laughter became her trademark and a contagious brightener of the day. Now it's part of the company culture - a reminder that it's okay to be human, even in a high position.
Tip #2: Be honest about your boundaries. Whether at work or in your personal life, don't be afraid to say no or admit when you don't know something. Early in my career, I said yes to everything. I was afraid of letting someone down. But that led to burnout and resentment. I'm much more honest now: 'I don't have the capacity' or 'I'm not the best person for this project'. It's honest and it's earned me a lot more respect than pretending I can do everything.
Tip #3: Show your emotions (appropriately). We've been conditioned to believe that emotions have no place in the workplace, especially for women. But that's not true. Showing vulnerability can build trust. For example, during a challenging project, I once admitted to my team: "I feel really overwhelmed." At that moment, I was met with great empathy, not judgment. It opened up the conversation and we ended up working more effectively together because of it. Emotions are not a weakness, but a point of contact.
The fun, messy, and beautiful side of realness
Let's be honest - authenticity can be undesirable. Like the time I thought giving a spontaneous speech at a company meeting would be empowering, only to stumble over my words, drop my notepad and end up with words: "Well, that was a big mess, wasn't it?". But guess what? People loved it. They came up to me after it was over and said they appreciated my honesty, and a few of them even admitted that they were afraid to speak publicly too. My vulnerability created space for others to be brave.
Another time, I thought I was confidently walking into a meeting with a big client, only to realize halfway through the presentation that I had smeared lipstick on my teeth. Instead of panicking, I stopped and said, "Guys, no one told me I had lipstick on my teeth! We're a family now!" This elicited laughter and camaraderie that I couldn't have summoned if I tried.
Becoming inspirational by being yourself
Here's the secret: you don't have to be perfect to inspire others. You just have to be real. When people see you showing up as you are - flaws, quirks, emotions and all - they feel empowered to do the same. Whether you're leading a team, running your own business, or simply navigating your personal life, authenticity is magnetic.
Tip #4: Ask yourself: "What would I do if no one was watching?". When faced with a decision, conversation, or challenge, think about how you would act if you had no expectations and no judgments. The answer to this question will often direct you to your truest self.
Tip #5: Surround yourself with people who celebrate the real you. In business and in life, the people you choose to surround yourself with matter. Seek out relationships with colleagues, mentors, or friends that support your authenticity, not ones who expect you to wear a mask.
Be visible, be yourself...
Whether you're leading an important meeting in a boardroom, running your own business, or sharing a quiet moment with friends, remember that who you are when no one is looking is your true superpower.
You don't need a poker face.
You don't need to fake it. Your authentic self is more than enough, and when you fully embrace it, you'll find that the world will meet you where you are.
So the next time you catch yourself dancing in the kitchen or laughing uncontrollably at something silly, know that this is the kind of you the world needs more of.
Keep showing up as you are - proud, unapologetic, and beautiful...
Have you ever worn a poker face? Are you ashamed to be yourself in every way? Or are you proud of it?
I'm burning with curiosity, write me...
